Setting Limits: Boundaries with Overstepping Parents
For anyone who has ever experienced trauma, you know that relationships with your parents can be particularly complex.
Overstepping boundaries, whether intentional or unintentional, can trigger painful memories and exacerbate our existing trauma symptoms. That's why setting boundaries is essential for healing from trauma and establishing healthier relationships.
Understanding Trauma and Parental Relationships
Trauma can significantly impact how we interact with others, including our parents. This is especially true because we often feel guilt about setting up (and holding) boundaries with our parents.
Some common behaviors that can trigger our trauma responses include:
Invalidating emotions: When a parent dismisses or minimizes our feelings (both past or present)
Gaslighting: When a parent manipulates our perception of reality.
Overprotective or controlling behavior: When a parent limits our autonomy or independence.
These behaviors can create a sense of mistrust, fear, and confusion, making it difficult to establish healthy boundaries.
Setting Boundaries: A Healing Process
Setting boundaries is not just about protecting yourself from harm; it's also a powerful act of self-care and healing. It's also about setting up your parent-child relationship for healing.
Here are some strategies to consider:
Identify your triggers: Understand what behaviors or situations trigger trauma responses.
Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge the challenges you've faced; it is 100% okay to acknowledge your parent didn't parent perfectly.
Communicate your needs clearly: Use "I" statements to express your feelings and boundaries.
Seek support: Connect with a therapist or support group to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
Healing from Trauma: A Journey
Healing from trauma is a journey, and it may take time to establish healthy boundaries with your parents. Sometimes, they can see boundaries as disrespectful, hurtful, or overbearing.
Remember, your well-being should be a top priority. With patience, self-compassion, and support, you can open the door to healthier relationships and begin to heal from your past.
P.S.
You are not alone in this journey. Many people who have experienced trauma struggle with setting boundaries with their parents. Know that you are not alone.
Additional Resources:
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
The Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
If you are looking for private, affordable care (both online or in-person), I would be honored to connect with you and see if my mental health coaching services would be a good fit. Please schedule a free consult using this link here.